Tips on How to Safely Call it Quits.
Breaking up with someone without ghosting or dumping them is definitely the hardest thing you can ever attempt to do.
If it was easy I wouldn’t be writing this article right now and thing would have been as smooth as a cocktail.
What usually makes breakup that hard to do is the fact that you don’t want to make your partner be overwhelmed with sadness and miscommunications.
Sex can also be another valid factor that makes it hard to initiate a breakup because you will definitely miss how you enjoyed each other so much.
Maybe you had formed a close relationship with their other members of the family and you don’t want to come out as a jerk but still you want to move on. So this thing is not fun as you might think it can be.
Love can be the best thing that has ever happened in your life because it makes you see the best in the worst side of life. It makes you embrace positivity even in the face of a negative situation.
On the flip side, love can also blind you and make you bias to what is real and fake about your relationship.
It can make you believe that you are in a good relationship when in fact you are just the only one holding on to it while your partner is just there to be there.
The reason for the breakup can be anything. Whether you want to go work somewhere else or your partner don’t agree with having kids or anything that makes you uncomfortable is valid.
Of course there is no such thing as a perfect breakup especially when you are the one who is about to break the bad news to your partner. However, there are some things you can do before and in the event of the conversation that can help make the experience as healthy and mature as possible.
Before the Breakup.
1. Accept that the Process of breaking up is going to be Uncomfortable.
Breakups are never fun, even if you are the one asking for it. There is no such perfect advice that can help soothe the pain of going through it.
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To see the memories you have made with someone just go up in smoke forever. It is a tough process, but it can be manageable if you accept the fact that it is not easy and you have to go through it regardless.
The fact that it is an uncomfortable experience doesn’t mean that you are doing something wrong. Its far much better to experience the discomfort for a moment that be stuck in a relationship that is suffocating you everyday.
2. Make sure the breakup is what you really want.
Issues connected to a relationship can sometimes seem to be easy. It can look like one thing on the surface but when you start peeling the layers, you will find bigger problems that need some talks.
You need to dig deeper to the ground surface and try to analyze the things that built it if they were fake or real.
Sometimes it might have been a stage of life that connected the both of you but now everyone has grown and learned new things that projected you in a different direction in life.
Maybe its what is going on in your career life or your partner is rushing you to do crazy things that you cant handle or whatever the thing that motivates you to want a breakup.
Dig deep and confirm the real root of the feeling before initiating a breakup because you might be surprised to find a solution to what was bothering you in the relationship.
3. Be open and talk about what can be a deal breaker.
As you grow with someone in a relationship, you come to find out that there are many things that makes maintains compatibility other than sex.
After enjoying the good sex, you should sit down with your partner and discuss other matters like having kids, where you want to live, how much you want to work and all stuff like that.
Do not allow any blind spot that you might realize far much later in life.
This can save you from frequent breakups in the future because in this age, everybody is entitled to their own opinion even in relationships.
4. Don’t change your mind on the way.
Once you have collected enough arguments supporting the breakup, stick with it. Remember the deal breakers, don’t violate them because they represent what you like to enjoy in a relationship.
I know it can sometimes be hard to look your partner in the eye and start saying the words that leads to breakups especially when you realize how cute they are.
The good memories you both made should not distract you from the fact that you need a breakup.
Those memories might start giving you false hopes that the relationship will change in future and be like you wanted, no! Stick to the original decision in your mind.
What should motivate you to face the breakup is the fact that the issues supporting your decision are far much important than the temporary feelings you have at the moment.
During the Breakup.
Make sure to break up in person and not through text or email. Remember that this is a person you have shared some history together.
This is to be done out of respect that has been established between you two, just give them the respect they deserve.
Doing it in person shows much appreciation you have for them and it will help you move on later.
When doing this, make sure you find a quiet and private place where you will both feel comfortable to have the tough talk.
Remember to be ready to answer their questions very well because your news will definitely find them off guard.
Your ability to answer their questions and let them in your thought process can help ease the tension and eventually you might come to an understanding.
After the Breakup
Once you are done delivering the bad news, make sure you respect their boundaries. There should be limited to no communication because you don’t want to be the one being a simp once again.
It can be tough because it is hard to transition from being romantic partners and friends to becoming two total strangers. Give them the space to take all of it in and heal.
You might be the one giving them a sense of false hope when you keep on communicating too much with them and it will slow the healing process.
If your ex asks for space, whether its on social media, calls, texts or even meeting in person, please respect that. All these doesn’t mean you will never be friends again in future, it just that they need time and space to move on.
Shift your focus now on new healthy distractions because you are now officially single again. Reconnect with some of your old friends or engage in old hobbies you used to like. Try to not shut your emotions, be vulnerable and talk to someone about it.
Getting to understand your choices will help you move on and get onto a new relationship with healthy emotions.